I am continuing to open up paid subscription issues like this one to everyone through April, just in case they may help someone deal with the challenges of the current crisis a little bit better.
Dear friends, welcome to Ad Astra. It’s so great to have you here.
For the past few weeks, I have been dealing with an issue: at random times throughout the day, I’d feel extremely sleepy and tired. So tired that sitting in front of my laptop for more than a minute would be akin to torture.
I’d try to power through it, but before I knew it I’d find myself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or skipping through Instagram Stories. No work would get done.
I’d call myself a lazy bum and return to my laptop, trying to muster my concentration and focus. A few minutes later, I’d be back in the same loop.
Like many around me, I’ve lost a lot of work in the past few weeks. A photo editor I’ve been discussing a project with (before this thing started) has graciously emailed to let me know that he’s been put on furlough. All of my travel projects to date have been halted, indefinitely.
In this time of crisis, people who base their identity and sense of worth around the work they do (myself included) can fall into a pit.
Today I’d like to discuss how we can get out of it.
(Stay tuned for next week’s issue where I’ll cover ways to find creative work right now.)
And if you haven’t yet, give a try to the audio version of this issue: I’ve finally figured out new software and the quality has improved quite a bit from previous episodes.
Where worth comes from
Across the industrial world, and especially in the United States, we’ve been made to believe that our worthiness comes not from the simple fact that we exist, but from the work we do, the money we earn, the accomplishments we can tout, and the number of hours we place on the altar of productivity.
I’ve found this a terrible way to live when your sense of worth is based on some external conditions. Perhaps that’s why, through my years of travels, I’ve been inexplicably drawn to Eastern philosophies and regions of the world where ‘wasting the afternoon away’ is a common way to be (note the choice of wording for that particularly Western phrase).
“I am worthy because I exist” has been a tough lesson for me to learn, but I’m slowly getting better at mastering it. (How? Keep reading.)
This week, in particular, I found it soothing to listen to Krista Tippett from the On Being project ponder on this issue. You can listen to this wonderful (and short) segment here: At home, frustrated, and stressed — is 'just being' worthy right now?
Krista posits that being kind to ourselves and settling into ourselves right now is a gift we can offer to the world beyond this crisis.
What a radical thought, right? (and yes, I am being sarcastic here.)
You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.…
You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.…
Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.— Jonh O’Donohue
Exceedingly kind
This week, inspired by John O’Donohue, I made a pledge to be exceedingly kind to myself.
How?
Like with many issues of the mind, our transformation starts with awareness. First, we need to become aware of thoughts that enter our mind, then we practice redirecting them, substituting negative ones with better options.
I found morning meditation to be an incredibly helpful tool. I've been meditating daily since last summer and in the past week, I’ve switched the focus of my meditations to practicing self-kindness.
(I touch on the subjects of awareness and meditation here, here, and here.)
After I meditate, I write down the message I want to remember on a piece of post-it. Throughout the day, I return to it often and it helps me keep the focus on this intention.
Here are my messages from this week:
And please note, this language — “I love you,” “My love,” “You’re doing the best you can” — is NOT natural to me. My tendency is to engage in negative self-talk. But even after a week of doing this consistently, I’m feeling the soothing effect and, most importantly, I am starting to change how I talk to myself throughout the day.
Finally, this week I gave in to the urge to rest. I took a nap at 1 pm this Wednesday and another one at 3 pm on Thursday. And I didn’t feel guilty about either of them.
I’ve realized that my body is smarter than I am and in this time of crisis, I need to follow its lead.
I (mostly) don’t feel bad about not being productive all the time and I’m hoping to bring this practice of self-kindness forward when this particular crisis is over.
So, here is my wish for you this week:
See if you can bring a little bit more self-kindness into your days. We are all dealing with many issues right now, ranging from anxiety to fear to sadness to the very real loss of income, and health, and well-being. Let’s be kind to ourselves. We are worthy.
Onwards,
Yulia
This week’s joy links:
I’m reading This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone
I’m listening to Anouar Brahem, a Tunisian oud player and composer
I’m watching Chocolate, a Korean drama about food and healing
Disclaimer: I know I have privilege. I am able to work from home, safely, while many others cannot afford to do that. If you or someone you know is struggling, know that you are not alone. Here’s an on-going list of resources I’ve found so far:
The NatGeo emergency fund for journalists is giving grants to journalists who provide local coverage of the pandemic (includes photographers, videographers, filmmakers and more).
Freelancers Relief Fund is offering financial assistance to cover essential expenses like food, utility payments, etc.
Here’s a very thorough list of resources crowdsourced by the Freelancers Union ranging from legal help to emergency funds to state-specific resources (thank you to Carrie from Lyman Creative for pointing this one out!)
Ann Friedman (creator of Ann Friedman Weekly) is currently donating all her newsletter ad revenue to organizations or individuals whose lives and livelihoods are affected by the pandemic. You can nominate someone here.
Facebook is making $100 million in cash and ad credit grants to small businesses impacted by COVID-19. Details to come soon here.
Here’s a list of financial institutions offering relief to customers experiencing hardship.
Know of another resource I should list in the next issue? Hit reply and let me know.
Finally, if you find any joy or value in this labor of love, please consider supporting it by becoming a paid subscriber below. And if you already subscribe: THANK YOU.
Issue #14: Self-kindness In Times of Crises